LOVE * MARRIAGE * DIVORCE
God's laws on marriage, divorce, 
by: Pastor Max Solbrekken, D.D.

Mark 10:6-9 - "But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife, And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.  What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder."

WHAT GOD HATH JOINED TOGETHER IN MARRIAGE

It is a serious thing to break the commandments of God.  The Bible says: "The carnal mind is enmity against God." (Romans 8:7)  "Friendship with the world is enmity with God.  Whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God." (James 4:4)

St. Paul warned the Christian Church to clean up their act.  He wrote about sanctification, since they had begun to revert to their old ways, acting like the Gentiles (heathen) they once were.  They had accepted the Gospel but their lives were still undisciplined and impure.

The apostle stated, "It is a shame to even speak of those things which are done of them in secret." (Ephesians 5:12)  He warned: "Because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.  Be not ye therefore partakers with them." (Ephesians 5:6-7)

What were those things that would cause the wrath of God to come upon the children of disobedience?  'But fornication and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once among you, as becometh saints; Neither filthiness....For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person....hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God." (Ephesians 5:3-5)

St. Paul states emphatically, "Be not ye therefore partakers with them.  And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them." (Ephesians 5:7, 11)

WHAT WERE THE SINS THAT ST. PAUL WAS WARNING THEM ABOUT?

In his letter to the church of Colosse, he continued admonishing and warning, "Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry.  For which things' sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience:  In the which ye also walked some time, when ye lived in them".  (Colossians 3:5-7)

The pagan lived in debauchery and sin, but the clear-cut message of the New Testament was to straighten up and remove oneself from this cesspool of carnality.  After conversion to Christ's Gospel, we no longer live as do the heathen, who know not God.

A good example is the way pagans treat their women - like the mud under their feet!  Only Christianity has lifted women out of a place of inferiority in this world and given them a place of dignity and honor among men.

CHRISTIANITY RESPECTS WIVES & MARRIAGE

St. Paul makes it plain that Christians must treat their wives properly.  "Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it:  That He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word.  That He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish.  So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.  He that loveth his wife loveth himself."  (Ephesians 5:25-28)

Christianity respects women and makes it plain that a man cannot have more than one wife!  Western civilization has put this principle into effect by passing a law against polygamy.

Muslim dominated nations and other pagan countries have no such law.  Women are treated as property and often abused.  Many men have harems of between 4 and 20 wives.  I met a lustful old Muslim man in Kenya who boasted that he had 65 wives.  He was very wealthy, as all his children and grandchildren worked.  He told me that his goal was to acquire many more girls as wives.

The Mormons endorsed this practice in order to satisfy the lustful cravings of Joseph Smith, Brigham Young and other early leaders, who spent an inordinate amount of time in sexual exploits!  Joseph Smith and his brother Hiram were imprisoned for molesting girls and young women.  They were killed by a band of outraged men whose daughters and sisters had been deceived by the false prophet and his brother!   Only when the United States government clamped down on that perverted gang, did other lust-filled leaders officially desist.

St. Paul wrote, "A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife." (1 Timothy 3:3)  "Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well." (1 Timothy 3:12)

If a man love his wife like himself, and if he has Christian convictions he will treat his wife with dignity and not discard her like an empty cigarette package, after she has borne his children and helped him build his career.

Some men trade in their wives for a newer model just like they do with their automobiles - the same is applicable to women to a lesser degree.

THE BIBLE IS AGAINST DIVORCE - IN MOST CASES

Jesus said concerning divorce: "In the beginning it was not so.  God made them (Adam and Eve) male and female."  Notice to homosexuals and lesbians - God made only male and female!  Perversion is man-made and the product of sin and the devil.  God blessed them and it was only because of the hardness of their hearts, that Moses allowed them to divorce.

That proves another point which I have also found to be so true:  Broken marriages are often the product of one or two hard hearts!  Hard hearts refuse to communicate or bend toward each other.  Jesus was not in favor of divorce and neither am I.

THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULE OF NO DIVORCE

There are exceptions to the rule of divorce as Jesus clearly points out when He said: "But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced commiteth adultery."  (Matthew 5:32)

Even in the case of fornication I believe there is sufficient grace in God to forgive and restore, if there is genuine repentance on the part of the one who is guilty.  The Bible says: "Love covereth a multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8)

When the Pharisees brought an adulterous woman to Jesus, they challenged His theology and His willingness to adhere to the letter of the law.  In His great wisdom, Jesus salvaged the woman's life and soul.  He answered them thusly: "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." (John 8:7)

He knew they were all sinners and wrote their names in the sand, fulfilling the ancient prophecy: "O Lord, the hope of Israel, all that forsake Thee shall be ashamed, and they that depart from Me shall be written in the earth, because they have forsaken the Lord, the Fountain of Living Water." (Jeremiah 17:13)

Then Jesus said to the woman, "Neither do I condemn thee, go and sin no more." (John 8:11)  Just because there has been unfaithfulness in the marriage and problems have arisen that have broken hearts and brought the marriage to the brink of disaster and even though confidences have been shattered, that still does not justify divorce in every case.

WHY NOT WORK ON HEALING & RESTORING THE MARRIAGE?

Why not get God on the scene to solve and salvage as well as rejuvenate the marriage, rather than be hard hearted and say, "I have my rights; I want a divorce: my partner is guilty of adultery and as a Christian I am entitled to a divorce."

Try a little common sense!  What happens after the divorce?  Life isn't going to suddenly be a bed of roses.  Much better to salvage the marriage with God's help and some good old-fashioned advice from the preacher.  Now, don't read me wrong.

All marriages are not solvable and unfortunately, some marriages are better off dissolved for all concerned.  Many marriages, however, that are doomed to fail can be saved if both partners are willing to give their marriage an honest try with faith in God.

BIBLICALLY, CAN MARRIAGES BE ANNULLED?

According to God's Word, are there some cases than can be annulled or dissolved?  Yes, definitely.  Are Roman Catholic annulments given to wealthy people like Senator Edward Kennedy and others - after they have been married to 20, 30 or 40 years with numerous children - a FARCE and DISGRACE?  Most certainly these marriages that are annulled after years of marriage and with children being born are a total farce and complete disgrace.

It has proven that CORRUPTION and LIES still dominate in that church body.  Why not be honest and call it a DIVORCE?  Because that is exactly what it is.  And don't forget what the Bible teaches about liars.  An Annulment is is NOT.

Homosexuals, lesbians -  I have counseled homosexuals who have been married to beautiful young ladies.  We have prayed together and God has saved and delivered them, and they have received grace from God to live a normal married life.

In 1982, a man who had been delivered from demons of homosexuality - by God's power 10 years earlier in our Revival Meetings in Toronto - was married.  He had been bound for 20 years when Jesus liberated him.  Thank God.

There are the others, however, who do no t want deliverance.  They love their perversion and have broken the hearts of perfectly normal and pure young ladies who trusted them with their love.  In such a case, if the homosexual does not want deliverance, I recommend a quick divorce because that marriage was not an honest transaction.

Here is the statement ministers include in the wedding ceremony: "If either of you know of any impediment why ye may not be lawfully joined together in matrimony, ye do now confess it.  For ye be well assured, that if any persons are joined together otherwise than as God's Word doth allow, their marriage is not lawful."

Where a man or woman has been deceived and marries a pervert or an impotent, senile person, the victim should go immediately to his or her pastor to receive counseling and guidance.  If deception is involved and no desire for change is evident an annulment of the marriage should be arranged, or a divorce if necessary.

As I see it, there is no need for the innocent person to agonize through years of torment.  From a Scriptural standpoint, annulment of the marriage or divorce is the way out, with no restrictions regarding remarriage.

WHAT ABOUT RE-MARRIAGE?

Where a good marriage has gone wrong, we must at all costs try to salvage the marriage!  If there was genuine love there in the beginning, that flame can be re-ignited.  There is therefore hope, because there is a foundation to build upon.  Also, in many cases children are involved.  Try to save the marriage!  If you cannot save your marriage, then separation or divorce may be the only recourse left.  In a case like this, I do not see - according to the Scriptures - where with party can re-marry.

Some theologians feel strongly that the innocent party can re-marry, quoting the words of Jesus, "Except it be for fornication" as a reference not only to the right to divorce, but also the right to remarry.

In the Hebrew-Greek Key Study Bible, Dr. Spiros Zodhiates states regarding Matthew 19:3-9: "One remark, however, is necessary to clearly understand the meaning of the word 'apolelmenen', "her which is put away", occurring in verse 9 and in Matthew 5:32b.

It means the innocent dismissed wife of the licentious person described in Matthew 5:28-30 who, lusting after another woman, dismisses his own wife in order to marry the other woman.

Such a thing, dismissing one's wife for any reason other than her infidelity.  Christ definitely forbids; but people were and are doing it, nevertheless.  He expresses His concern about the dismissed, apolelmenen, wife or husband (Mark 10:12), who is innocent.

To clear such a dismissed spouse, the Lord insists that the Old Testament provision (Deuteronomy 24:1-4) be adhered to, ie., the guilty party in dismissing an innocent spouse ought to clear her or him of guilt by giving a bill of divorcement.  If the dismissed spouse was guilty, the punishment was death by stoning (Deuteronomy 22:21).  Thus, there was no reason to give such a bill of divorcement.

Divorce papers issued by a judge today should not be equated with this bill of divorcement.  God knows who is innocent and who is guilty and the individuals concerned know.  The LORD in His pronouncements concerns Himself with the truly innocent and not with the only who may have been able to secure a legal divorce.

A legal divorce today does not mean that a person is necessarily innocent.  He or she may or may not be.  Only the truly innocent, according to the Word of God, has the moral, Scriptural right to remarry.  If the guilty dismissing husband gives the innocent wife a bill of divorcement as prescribed by Deuteronomy 24:1-4, then that wife is cleared of the stigma of being considered as an adulteress.

If she is not thus cleared of the stigma of guilt, she herself is considered by the ignorant public as an adulteress and also whosoever should marry her.  Sexual infidelity is the only permitted reason for dismissing one's spouse.  Both in the Old Testament and the New Testament, there were those who wanted to dismiss their innocent wives for reasons other than sexual infidelity.

It is to such that reference is made as "the dismissed wife."  It is the wife who has been dismissed inequitably who was not an adulteress but who, because she was dismissed without a bill of divorcement, was stigmatized as an adulteress.

Naturally, if anyone marries such a woman, he would appear to be an adulterer also.  However, this should not be considered as true adultery but only the unjust consequence of the first husband's action in allowing his wife to be considered as an adulteress.

The word apolelumenen has the meaning of "unjustifiably dismissed" wife who was not given a bill of divorcement by her husband to clear her of any guilt.

The only exception for this is found in Luke 16:18, where the apolelumenen does not refer to the innocent wife dismissed by her guilty husband, but the guilty wife who separates herself from her husband.  For a complete exegesis of this passage, see the editor's book, 'What About Divorce?'

WHAT IS THE BEST ROUTE TO TAKE IF YOUR MARRIAGE IS IN TROUBLE

No. 1 - DO NOT DIVORCE!  Forgive your partner and restore him or her.
No. 2 - If you must divorce, DO NOT REMARRY!  Seek God for His grace and power to live a holy life and give your time to God and your children.

There is one more thing however, in Old Testament times when a woman was taken in adultery she was immediately taken out and stoned to death.  Men seemed to have been exempt.  Certainly, in such cases there would be no problem with remarriage, for the innocent party.

In the same way, some feel that the guilty party is spiritually dead and the innocent party is then free to remarry.

Remember, however, the words of St. Paul, "For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth, but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband, so then if while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress:  but if her husband be dead, she is free from the law, so that she is not adulteress, though she be married to another man." (Romans 7:2-3)

HELP FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE ALREADY MESSED UP THEIR MARRIAGE

You can't unscramble scrambled eggs, and in many cases you are unable to rectify wrongs performed in a mix-up of marriages, divorces and remarriages.  Many people hear our programs over the radio or see me on television and attend our crusades.

Often, those who answer our altar calls for salvation are from unsaved homes and have messed up in their lives.  Their conversion, to the Lord Jesus Christ, however, is genuine!  These individuals receive the Baptism of the Holy Spirit and are baptized and become burning witnesses for Jesus Christ.  Often, they have been married and divorced and remarried, possibly 2 or 3 times.  What do you do in cases like these?

Since the Holy Spirit has accepted them and Jesus has added them to His body, the Church, who are we to reject them?  We have no right to turn them away since Jesus has not turned them away!  WE MUST RECEIVE THEM, believing that God has done a work in their lives as He did in ours.

St. Paul warns in his letter to the Romans, "For whom He did foreknow, He also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn (the first in rank) among many brethren.  Moreover whom He did predestinate, them He also called: and whom He called, them He also justified: and whom He justified, then He also glorified." (Romans 8:29-30)

If God has called and saved someone, we have not right to criticize or lay upon them a heavier burden than we could bear or which Christ would ask them to bear!  Notice the words of the Apostle.

"Who shall lay anything to the charge of God's elect"  It is God that justified.  Who is he that condemneth?  It is Christ that died, year rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us." (Romans 8:34-35)

IF GOD HAS JUSTIFIED SOMEONE, I DARE NOT CONDEMN HIM

The Scripture tells us that God gives the Holy Ghost to those who obey Him.  Often, He fills people with the Holy Ghost whom we wouldn't, people whom we personally feel are not ready to receive the Holy Ghost; yet God fills them, before we have a chance to ask them to rearrange their lives.

We should allow God to do His business in the way He so desires, instead of trying to do everything our way.  The Bible says: "We are His witnesses of these things; and so is also the Holy Ghost, whom God hath given to them that obey Him." (Acts 5:32)

LEAVE THEM IN THE CARE OF JESUS, THE SAVIOUR

If a marriage is failing, we should try to salvage it!  If a man or woman is divorced and remarried once, twice or whatever, I believe they should remain in the married state they are presently in.  I do not believe people should force re-marriage between spouses two or 3 marriages removed.  That causes nothing but confusion, especially where there are children involved.

If a family receives Christ, regardless of how many times they have been married, it is my belief that they should remain as they are.  It would be wrong to tear children from their parents in the present relationship.  It is incumbent upon us to teach the newly converted family to serve God and live for Jesus from now onward.  Some teach that the parents should split up and go back to their original spouses!  In most cases that would be impossible.  And even if it were possible, it would involve the breakup of one, two or more families, which would cause more trouble than you are trying to rectify.  That would be harming the "little ones" whom God has given us the responsibility to protect. (Matthew 18:6)

The break up of a home is no more right in a case like this than any other case.  We cannot sacrifice the lives of precious children to the whims of some stubborn, pharisaical, senile old preacher who sits cloistered behind the stained glass windows of his church, or in a monastery somewhere.  When you get into the mainstream of life and begin to reach souls, lives and families for Christ you will see the common sense of the Holy Scriptures as they are applied to real life situations.

St. Paul said, "But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk.  And so ordain I in all churches.  Is any man called being circumcised?  let him not become uncircumcised.  Is any called in un-circumcision?  let him not be circumcised.  Circumcision is nothing but the keeping of the commandments of God.  Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called." (1 Corinthians 7:17-20)

MARRIAGE, DIVORCE & RE-MARRIAGE

Marriage, divorce and re-marriage is a most complex subject and I believe we are given some leeway in counseling people in awkward positions, since St. Paul uses his own philosophy and expounds his own views a number of times: "But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment." (1 Corinthians 7:6)  "But to the rest speak I, not the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:12)  "But she is happier is she also abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God." (1 Corinthians 7:40)

On very important issues however, St. Paul made it clear that he had a definite commandment from the Lord!  "And unto the married I command, Ye not I, but the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:10)

Very definitely, when a Christian is married he cannot do as he pleases.  He has certain responsibilities that he cannot dodge.  "Let not the wife depart from her husband: but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband, and let not the husband put away his wife, (1 Corinthians 7:11)  PLEASE NOTE:  Paul says that this is the Lord's command! (verse 10)

SUMMARY OF MARRIAGE, DIVORCE & RE-MARRIAGE (as I understand it from the Scriptures)

No. 1  -  GOD IS AGAINST DIVORCE  -  Divorce is not God's perfect will.  Only one ground for divorce - adultery or fornication - even then it is better to reconcile, forgive and forget in order to save the marriage and the home.

No. 2  -  IF YOU ARE MARRIED TO AN UNSAVED PERSON, you must stay with him if that is his wish  -  Unless, of course, he is beating you or threatening to kill you, unfaithful to the extent of bringing social diseases upon you, disrupting the children's mental health or is a sexual pervert, extreme alcoholic or suffers from uncontrolled mental illness.  NOTICE:  Every case must be judged on its own merits or lack of merits.  Love your partner and lead him or her to the Lord.

No. 3  -  IF YOU LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE FOR ANY REASON OTHER THAN ADULTERY OR FORNICATION  -  (I unequivocally add perversion, like sodomy, lesbianism, homosexuality, bestiality or a fraudulent marriage vow) you are unable to re-marry.

No. 4  -  THE INNOCENT PART IN A DIVORCE CAN RE-MARRY  -  In the Old Testament the innocent party was free to marry, as the adulteress was stoned to death.  In this case the adulteress or adulterer, not wanting to repent, would be in a backslidden or sinful state, DEAD IN TRESPASSES AND SINS!  God does not hold you responsible for your partner's sin.  The Bible says: "The soul that sinneth, it shall die." (Ezekiel 18:4,5)  It doesn't say that the wife or husband must pay for the sins of their spouse or the parents shall be judged for the sins of their children.  God is not unjust, nor does He judge perversely.

No. 5  -  IF YOU ARE MARRIED TO A PERVERT  -  If you find yourself married to a pervert, homosexual, lesbian or sodomite, you are in my opinion, free to divorce and remarry, unless, they want to be delivered from demons and become a child of God.

This is also the case if someone is sexually malformed with an impediment that he or she withheld from their partner before marriage, thereby nullifying the marriage.  (Mental illness and schizophrenia could also be included in this list, as well as bigamists, necromancers and other perverts)  Anyone who has been misled or deceived in these areas has a right to ask for annulment, since the marriage contract was made under false pretenses.

No. 6  -  HASTY MARRIAGES ARE VERY FOOLISH  -  Spending time together with your intended, as well as his or her family for a longer period of time in conversation, discussion and fellowship, would solve most of the problems found in the previous paragraph.

No. 7  -  HAVE YOUR PARENTS & FRIENDS MEET YOUR FIANCÉE  -  Also, make sure your pastor gets to know him or her and takes time for proper counseling before marriage.  Marriage is too important, vital and long range to rush into without doing a proper check.  Even in breeding purebred horses and cattle, we check out the pedigree.  We can do no less, when it concerns the future of our children and ourselves.

No. 8  -  IF YOU ARE CONTEMPLATING DIVORCE OR RE-MARRIAGE  -  You should seriously consider the Scriptures, as well as the words of warning, admonition and advice in this book.  And consider your testimony for Christ, the state of your children, as well as your future.

No. 9  -  If you are messed up, divorced, re-married, or living common-law, come to Christ and let Him work things out for you.

Serve Christ and teach your family to live for Jesus.  If you are living in a common-law arrangement, you must stop doing it.  If there are no children involved, separate and go back to your husband or wife if possible.  If you are single, let your partner know that you have decided to serve Jesus and ask them to the same and that the 'common-law' lifestyle is adulterous and sinful.

The Bible says: "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." (Hebrews 13:4)

If a couple has children together out of wedlock, they should get counseling and give their hearts to the Lord.  It is important that they get married, attend church and refrain from a sinful lifestyle and train their children in the ways of God.

You cannot live your life over again, but you can change and live it differently from today onward.  You cannot pick up spilt milk or unscramble scrambled eggs, but you can take a stand for Christ now and bring your family to Sunday school and Church, and leave the past under the Blood of Jesus!  He is loving, compassionate and merciful in His dealings with us.

The Bible says, "Therefore if any man be in Christ, He is a new creature:  old things are passed away: behold, all things are become new." (2 Corinthians 5:17).  "Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth My word, and believeth on Him that sent Me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life." (John 5:24)

Above all, let us teach our young people that marriage is holy and for keeps, divorce is a result of the hardness of people's hearts and re-marriage is certainly not a bed of roses.  Get things straightened out in your spiritual life, my friend, seek God for guidance and be filled with the Holy Spirit.  If you obey the lusts of the flesh you will die spiritually, but if you obey the Spirit of God you will live. (Romans 8:13-14)

Remember that God's Word states, "That which God hath jointed together let not man put asunder." (Matthew 19:6)  When you say, "I will", let it be a sincere, convincing, decisive answer with a ring of sincerity and truth to it.  Let it truly be "until death do us part!"  Amen.